HardRadio.com Main Page

HardRadio HardBoard
The Heavy Metal Supersite
 
    FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 


_A METAL CAROL_, part II

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HardRadio HardBoard Forum Index -> Artist Discussion
Digg it Stumble it Submit to Del.icio.us Reddit it Slashdot it  
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Ogre



Joined: 06 Nov 2000
Posts: 425
Location: Ohio

PostPosted: Thu Jan 11, 2001 3:25 pm    Post subject: _A METAL CAROL_, part II Reply with quote

I thought about the whole deal for a moment and decided that I had probably imagined the whole thing as a result of a bad burrito from Taco Bell earlier in the day. I turned in for the day…or so I thought!

I awoke to the chiming of the grandfather clock in my bedroom (the Metal Palace is lonely, but suave). Ten chimes. I felt a chill in the air and some cheesy dry ice-induced fog filled the room. It was then that I noticed the entity in the room with me. The entity was holding a guitar from which the fog was emanating. I whispered, “Who are you?”

“I am the Ghost of Metal Past,” said the spirit. “Come with me.” I looked closely at the entity, who was wobbling back and forth and who seemed to have Trouble Walkin’, and saw that the spirit bore an uncanny resemblance to Ace Frehley.

“Ace!” I exclaimed! “What are you doing here?”

“I am not Ace Frehley, I am the Ghost of Metal Past. Got any liquor on you, Curly?”

Assuming that this was some sort of nostalgia-induced (or Pepsi commercial-induced) dream and therefore deciding to go along with it, I got out of bed approached Ace, aka the Ghost of Metal Past. “Take me with you, ‘Spirit,’ wherever we need go.”

“No booze, eh? Well, hop on for the Rocket Ride!” And with the blink of an eye (and an overly dramatic guitar solo played by the Spirit) we were whisked away from the Metal Palace.

I was transported far back in time to my childhood. I could not figure out what the year was, but I could tell it was sometime in the early 70’s. I saw myself as a child sitting with my parents in a room. I saw my mother reading a cheap novel while my father and I watched a Halloween television special. On the screen I saw something that I recalled as having changed my world as a small child. The television show, The Paul Lynde Halloween Special, featured a number of Halloween-themed characters performing various comedic bits, but at one point one of the characters introduced a new “Halloween horror” to the viewers—from a deep pit on the soundstage emerged the rock band KISS! Here was something I had never seen before as a child—four living cartoons playing loud music! I looked at myself as a child and saw the wonder and joy in my eyes. I looked to the Spirit beside me. “Why was I so excited to see this, Spirit? I am a metal expert and should not be excited about this band. They don’t play keyboards or kazoos, and they don’t follow the Power Metal formula that I have in my head as a result of years of accumulating CDs, reading metal gossip magazines and playing music professionally for years. They obviously suck and anyone who would like them sucks. Dig?”

“Hey, *******,” replied the Spirit, “Do these guys look like they are trying to be some sort of artsy experiment?” The Spirit shook his head in disgust and took a sip from a flask at his belt. “These guys are here just because it is fun to play music and they get to bang a lot of chicks as a result of playing this music. You used to love this music and this band because you had fun listening and watching them, not because they fit some stupid formula you arbitrarily created. Millions of people loved this band just because this band stood for fun and nothing more. Oh, sure, the guy wearing the demon makeup is a tool, the guy with the star on his eye is self absorbed and the two of them together are money-grubbing bastards who would turn on their pal when he was down on his luck and then never think another thing about him until they decided to cash in and have a reunion tour, but the music was fun. Look, look, look—isn’t the lead guitar player cool?”

I looked at the screen before me, and sure enough, in an incredibly cheesy, comic-bookish way, the lead guitar player WAS cool! As I watched the scene before me, I remembered how much fun I had as a kid—I didn’t care about who was playing a keyboard or a kazoo, I didn’t feel the need to analyze if a band was a true power metal band or not and I didn’t feel the need to criticize the musical opinions of others—all I cared about was whether or not I enjoyed listening to the band simply for the sake of having fun. “Spirit,” I asked, “What happened to the innocent, fun-loving little boy watching the television with joy written all over his face.”

“You became a pretentious *******,” replied the Spirit. “Anyone who tells others that their opinions suck because those opinions are different from one’s own is a pretentious *******.” The Spirit then started playing the lead to “Detroit Rock City” and sang out, “It’s eleven o’clock, it’s time to rock—there will be two more visitors this evening.”

I found myself back in my bed in the cold Metal Palace. I heard the clock in my bedroom chiming. Eleven chimes. I felt another chill in the air and a low hum reverberated throughout my chamber. It was then that I noticed a different entity in the room with me. I whispered, “Who are you?”

THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF _A METAL CAROL_ IS FORTHCOMING...
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Templar



Joined: 17 Oct 1999
Posts: 592
Location: the planet of the apes

PostPosted: Thu Jan 11, 2001 5:55 pm    Post subject: _A METAL CAROL_, part II Reply with quote

Classic!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Butchman



Joined: 18 Nov 2000
Posts: 522
Location: Your Imagination

PostPosted: Thu Jan 11, 2001 5:56 pm    Post subject: _A METAL CAROL_, part II Reply with quote

Dude, you need to write a book. This is good ****.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
SpiritOnParole



Joined: 02 Aug 1999
Posts: 2655
Location: New York, NY/Somerset, NJ.

PostPosted: Fri Jan 12, 2001 8:15 pm    Post subject: _A METAL CAROL_, part II Reply with quote

quote[quote]“Spirit,” I asked, “What happened to the innocent, fun-loving little boy watching the television with joy written all over his face.”[/quote]

Great, just great. I get stuck with all the tough questions just because Ogre decides to channel the late great Charles Dickens?

Oh, the burdens of being a Spirit.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    HardRadio HardBoard Forum Index -> Artist Discussion All times are GMT - 6 Hours
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2002 phpBB Group