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Musical jokes!
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RATTQUEEN



Joined: 08 Jul 2000
Posts: 611
Location: Right Here, Of no mind, Don't listen to it

PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2001 5:38 pm    Post subject: Musical jokes! Reply with quote

A musician named Bob dies and goes to Hell. When he gets there, Satan comes to pick him up in a lavish limosine. "Get in" he says. As the musician gets in, he asks, "Are you sure this is Hell?" "Oh yes," Says Satan Satan tells Bob that he has a gig for him which pays extremely well. Bob accepts but informs Satan that he doesn't have his ax. "No problem," He says, "use mine." And across from them on the seat lies a beautiful stratacaster guitar which is perfecty in tune. "Wow," says Bob, "Are you sure this is Hell?" "Oh, yes," says Satan. They get to the gig, and Bob meets the band. Kurt Cobain on Rhythm guitar, Janis Joplin on vocals, Stevie Ray Vaughan and Jimi Hendrix on lead, and John Bonham on Drums. "WOW," Say Bob, "I get to play with these guys? Are you sure this is Hell?" "Oh, yes," says Satan, "OK, guys, 'Tie a Yellow Ribbon,' a-one and a-two..."

---------------------------------------------As a birthday gift a father decided to get his son a bass guitar and some lessons. After the first lesson the boy's father asked him how his lesson went: "It went great Dad, I learned to play on the first 5 frets on the top string!" The father applauded his son's efforts. The next week his father asked about the second lesson: "It was great Dad, today I learned to play the first 5 frets on the second string!" His father once again applauded his son. The next week his father again asked about his lesson: "I blew it off....I had a gig!"

RATTQUEEN E NEIL
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Mijarra



Joined: 28 Nov 2000
Posts: 1564
Location: Pennsylvania

PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2001 9:21 pm    Post subject: Musical jokes! Reply with quote

Two old metalhead guitar players, Bob and Joe, are sitting on a park bench. They are both in their 90's now, and realize they are near the end of their days. Bob says to Joe "Joe, do you think they'll have metal bands in heaven.?

Joe says "Hmmm...I don't know. Let's make a pact. Which ever one of us dies first will come back and tell the other one if there are metal bands in heaven."

Sadly, a few days later, Joe dies. Weeks later, Bob is sitting alone at home and the apparition of Joe appears to him. Joe's ghost says "Bob, I have good news and bad news. The good news is, yes, there are metal bands in heaven."

"That's great!" says Bob "What's the bad news?"

"Well Bob" says Joe "I am afraid that the bad news is, you will be playing lead guitar in my new band this Saturday night."

That's really a baseball joke, but I took some creative license there. [img]images/smiles/icon_smile.gif[/img]
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Lars37



Joined: 05 Sep 2000
Posts: 1222
Location: the bowels of Chicagoland

PostPosted: Sat Apr 07, 2001 10:39 am    Post subject: Musical jokes! Reply with quote

What do you call a guy who likes to hang out with musicians?
A drummer!

How do you know when the drum riser is level?
When the drool flows equally from both sides of the drummer's mouth!

How do you know when a drummer dies?
The bottle drops out of his hand!

...I love drummer jokes!!!
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keifer



Joined: 07 Apr 2001
Posts: 84
Location: London, UK

PostPosted: Sun Apr 15, 2001 9:51 am    Post subject: Musical jokes! Reply with quote

OK...

How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to hold the bulb and the other four to drink 'til the room starts to spin.
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Fredrik Nilsson



Joined: 30 Jan 2000
Posts: 138
Location: Umeå, Sweden

PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2001 4:24 am    Post subject: Musical jokes! Reply with quote

How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One changing the bulb and the other four saying that Neil Peart would have done it much better.
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Stark



Joined: 26 Mar 2001
Posts: 1126
Location: Mörrum

PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2001 2:58 pm    Post subject: Musical jokes! Reply with quote

Sooo... who's the musician's best friend?
-The drummer!

How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?
- Ten, one to change it and the other nine to say they could've done it a lot faster.

What do you call a drummer sitting between two guitarists?
- A mental block! (converted blond-joke - works great with drummers, too!)


Stark (guitarist, of course)
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keifer



Joined: 07 Apr 2001
Posts: 84
Location: London, UK

PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2001 8:47 am    Post subject: Musical jokes! Reply with quote

A woman walks into a shop where they sell musicians' brains. She sees guitarists' brains for $20 a kilo, singers' brains for £15 a kilo, and on the top shelf she sees drummers' brains for $1000 a kilo. She calls the shop assistant and asks "Why are the drummers' brains so expensive?". The guy answers: "Do you realise how many drummers it takes to extract 1 kilogram of brains?".
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dugs



Joined: 24 Jul 2000
Posts: 67
Location: Dallas, TX, USA

PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2001 9:26 am    Post subject: Musical jokes! Reply with quote

Did you hear about the bass player that locked his keys in his car? It took him 20 minutes to get the drummer out!
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Raider



Joined: 12 Aug 1999
Posts: 1286

PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2001 9:31 am    Post subject: Musical jokes! Reply with quote

How does a lead singer change a light bulb?

He just holds it in place and the world revolves around him.
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